


An Interview

by LadyConstallation



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Sarcasm, Sass, This is pretty odd, but still kinda satifying, psychiatric hospital, undefined ending, very light and then not quite so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:21:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29580879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyConstallation/pseuds/LadyConstallation
Summary: Five has traveled back to find his family and warn people of the approaching apocalypse. However, He doesn't pop out where he wanted to and people think he's crazy.
Kudos: 5





	An Interview

**Interviewer:** Paul Galloway

 **Interviewee:** ‘Five’

(We are currently in a room in the Psychiatric hospital where the interviewee is being kept.)

**(Start of Interview)**

**Interviewee:** Can we just get this over with? I have places to be people! I don’t have time for this incompetent reporter.

(Note: Interviewee finishes his sentence by glaring at the one-way mirror on the wall to my right.)

 **Interviewer:** What is your name?

 **Interviewee:** It’s right there on your paper idiot, learn to read please.

 **Interviewer:** Yes, I do see that. Well Five, my name is Paul Galloway. I’ve come from the Newspaper ‘Weekly Sun’ to report on your mysterious appearance in our town.

 **Interviewee:** Wow, a big shot then. How does it feel to be famous.

(Note: Interviewee gives the interviewer a deadpan expression whilst doing Jazz hands.)

 **Interviewer:** This has nothing to do with me. The sooner you cooperate, the sooner you get to leave. Next Question; Where are you from?

 **Interviewee:** The Umbrella Academy.

 **Interviewer:** So you’re telling me that you are Number Five of the Umbrella Academy who disappeared in 2002?

 **Interviewee:** That’s exactly what I’m telling you. Are your ears full of cotton wool or something? Are you done yet? I need to find my family. Or you know the apocalypse will happen We have eight days! I don’t know if you’ve realised this yet dunderhead, but the apocalypse won’t stop itself. So if you’ll just unlock the cuffs. I’ll be on my way and we can forget that this all happened.

 **Interviewer:** Ah yes the apocalypse. Tell me, what makes you think the apocalypse is coming?

 **Interviewee:** I went there numbskull. This company got me out and I used my powers to travel back to this time so that I can save everyone. Which is not what is happening here. I can’t save the world chained to a table like a common criminal.

(Note: Interviewee is glaring at the one-way mirror. He seems angry.)

 **Interviewer:** So you’ve been to the apocalypse? How did you survive the end of the world?

 **Interviewee:** I didn’t idiot, everyone died. People don’t just survive the apocalypse. I was alone for years.

 **Interviewer:** That must’ve been pretty lonely, how are you still sane?

 **Interviewee:** I had Dolores. She kept me company.

(Note: Interviewee now has a soft look on his face. As if thinking of someone he cares about greatly.)

 **Interviewer:** Who is Dolores?

 **Interviewee:** My girlfriend, dumbass.

 **Interviewer:** I thought everyone died?

 **Interviewee:** They did, so what?

 **Interviewer:** Well, that would mean that Dolores is dead?

 **Interviewee:** >Interviewee: No, no, she’s alive.

(Note: Interviewee appears to fully believe this illusion he has created in his head, despite the fact that none of it makes sense.)

 **Interviewer:** That doesn’t make any sense. Please explain.

I **Interviewee:** nterviewee: I found her in the rubble of one of those fancy clothing stores. Her beautiful smile drew me in and I fell in love. I couldn’t leave her there alone.

 **Interviewer:** Ah, yes, that sounds believable. Tell me Five, how old are you?

(Note: I do not really believe the interviewee, but reports show he can become hostile very easy and I still have questions)

 **Interviewee:** Liar. I will be 58 this year.

 **Interviewer:** So you’re telling me that you didn’t physically age at all whilst in the apocalypse?

 **Interviewee:** No idiot, use your tiny brain for me. If people just magically stopped aging don’t you think you’d hear about it. I never ‘stopped aging’ I just misjudged my calculations and… you know what. I don’t think your brain can handle all this information. Are we done yet? Or did you forget about the apocalypse that’s going to kill everyone? Am I allowed to leave yet?

 **Interviewer:** No, I am fully aware of this so-called apocalypse you think is going to happen. I just don’t believe you. This is why you’re in a mental institution. Your name cannot be Five because he died in 2003 a fact that was confirmed by Sir Reginald Hargreeves (the owner of the Umbrella Academy). The apocalypse will not happen in eight days and you will not be leaving here until the doctors conclude that you are sane and figure out who you really are. You are alone in this world child; and a child that is alone is one in danger.

(Note: Interviewee attempts to lunge at me out of his chair but, is held back by the cuffs. I stand and exit the room.)

**(Interview over)**


End file.
